Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) was created by Marshall Rosenberg in the USA in the late 1960’s in the midst of the civil rights movement and the shifts of the counter-culture. He wanted to step into the Nonviolent Movement with a process that we can all use to cultivate its core principles within ourselves. When I heard the phrase “world peace starts with the individual” I asked myself “how?”. For me, NVC is very much the answer to that question.
NVC is a paradigm of being in life and in relationship that holds our universal sameness as core. Ultimately, nonviolence is an expression of love. Love has a dimension of identity. I can see myself in you, and I find you in myself. When I connect to this experience of our sameness, I care about you as I care for myself; I care for myself as I care about you. Then what you need and what matters to you is exactly the same important as what I need and what matters to me. Naturally then, we want to find ways forward that hold us both and hold us all. That is the way forward of nonviolence.
The study and practice of Nonviolent Communication is about developing the quality of awareness that takes us to this paradigm. We develop awareness of our outer shared reality free of our own projections, judgements or interpretations. We also own those very same judgements, etc. and develop awareness of our own inner experience so we can be empathic with ourselves and fully honest with others. We develop awareness to be able to accompany others in the truth of their inner experiences to be able to deeply understand their reality. With these processes of awareness, we can come into connection. In connection, there is often an experience of a shift. The shift is the movement into love: I really don’t want what I want at the cost of another’s well-being or happiness, and I don’t want to leave myself behind for another’s sake. When two people or a group experience this shift together, a range of new possibilities, often previously unthought of, can open up.
NVC is also a spiritual practice. Growing in awareness, or developing consciousness is the essence of all spirituality. NVC creates a sense of self-awareness that gives us the freedom to choose the truth of our own being moment by moment. All we do in NVC is orient our attention towards the interplay of our outer and inner experiences. With this awareness, we can interrupt our default responses to life, and choose what we say next, what we do next with more intention. As we become more deeply aware of ourselves, we also become more attuned to the origin within us of what matters to us, of meaning, spiritually speaking of our soul or essence. This is what I refer to as the truth of the being. The freedom we get from this awareness empowers us to make the only choice: to live from what is really meaningful to us in each moment.
Nonviolent Communication is a process, paradigm and consciousness of its own, and it has many applications. I have taught NVC for conflict resolution and mediation, for social change and activism, for peacebuilding, for couple relationships, for education, as a therapeutic process and as a spiritual path. I also know it is applied in the justice system, in parenting, in business and the workplace, in politics and decision-making and virtually any field of society!
I love NVC. I love how it deepens my relationships and gives me capacity to grow from conflict. I love it as a spiritual path that empowers me to truly love myself and others. I want to live in a world where connecting in our common humanity is an everyday, natural way of being together! We all have beautiful hearts that want to love. NVC is a way of making that heart connection with life and others more and more available.